When you don’t know what to do…

Dear 40 Days for Life family,

I hope you are enjoying this wonderful time of year, preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving with those you love!  As we approach the beautiful season of Advent, preparing for the birth of our Lord, I just thought I would share with you something that is on my heart.

During these uncertain times, I find myself wondering, where is Goodness…where is Truth?  I try to find God each day.  I look for Him.  I set aside a time each day to sit in His Presence.  I try to pray.  But it seems to me that I fail.  My mind wanders.  I feel self-conscious.  I second-guess my motives.  I don’t know what to do…but I do know what NOT to do.  I know that I do not want to go a whole day apart from God in prayer, no matter how imperfect my attempts are. 

So I persevere.

The killing of unborn human babies is legalized, legitimized and even glamorized in the world in which I live.  In my own neighborhood…just 10 miles from where I  live…more than 50 babies are put to a cruel, painful death by abortion each week at Planned Parenthood!  I try to show my grief by going there to pray and witness every Friday.  I do it all wrong.  I say the wrong things to the women as they are walking into the clinic.  “Can I give you some information about another place that could help you?“, I ask weakly.  So lame.  A worker came out this past Friday.  “Do you work here?”, I asked.  “Yes“, she replied.  “Oh…okay“, I said, as I smiled and walked away.  Seriously…that is what I said!

A car pulled up to the curb.  The woman in the passenger seat had her face buried in her hands and her body shook with sobs.  Her boyfriend in the driver’s seat was gesturing angrily with his hands and his face looked stern.  It was obvious that he was pressuring her to abort their child.  I stood outside the passenger window.  He glared at me and motioned for me to move away.  I silently shook my head, “no”, as I pleaded with her not to do it.  I prayed.  After barraging me with a string of expletives, he walked her into the clinic.

I try…but I fail constantly.

I feel like such a failure and I don’t know what to do.  But again, I know what NOT to do.  And that is to stay home and live an easy, comfortable life while the killing of human babies is happening in my town.

Every now and then I need a reminder of the importance of persevering in this fight to end abortion.  So…I intend to force myself to watch the documentary, “3801 Lancaster, an American Tragedy“, which explores the reasons why abortionist Kermit Gosnell was able to commit such atrocious crimes against humanity for so long without getting caught.  If you would like to see it as well, click HERE to purchase your tickets for the showing on Wednesday, December 9th at the Cinemark Theater in Pittsburgh Mills (Tarentum).  This showing will only happen if 36 more people buy tickets ($11 each).  You can watch the trailer HERE.

One final thought that I want to share is this;  It occurred to me this morning how hard it would be to heal after losing a child to illness, an accident or violence.  It’s the worst thing I could think of…and has always been my biggest fear personally.  But then I thought to myself…if it’s that difficult to lose a child accidentally…how traumatic and terrible would it be to lose a child due to my own actions?   That must be the absolute WORST thing that a person could live with and my heart and prayers go out to everyone who lives with that.  In this up-coming year of mercy, may a multitude of wounded souls FLOOD the gates of mercy as Jesus opens them wide! 

Let us all continue to pray and fast for an end to legalized abortion!

May God bless you!

Your sister in Christ Nikki

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